In Episode 4 of Unseen but Not Untold: Overcoming Covert Narcissistic Abuse, Dr. Christine C. Zacharia, MD, integrative covert narcissistic abuse recovery expert and board certified endocrinologist, introduces the blueprint she used to heal from covert narcissistic abuse. She shares how this framework was revealed to her by God during a pivotal inflection point in her life — a season when she no longer knew where to turn.
This blueprint is the foundation of the TFM Transformation Course. The revelation of this blueprint piece by piece also marks the beginning of Dr. Zacharia stepping into her divine purpose, one that continued to blossom throughout the episodes that follow in the podcast series. From this point forward, each episode unpacks the layered steps she used to heal from covert narcissistic abuse, addressing the psychological, emotional, mental, physical and soul-level disruption caused by this insidious and destructive dynamic.
Building an Integrative Healing Blueprint for Covert Narcissistic Abuse Recovery with God
In early 2023, Dr. Zacharia reached a critical realization: there was no existing framework that addressed the multiple layers she was looking to heal from the devastating effects of covert narcissistic abuse.
“I needed something that addressed psychological warfare and spiritual warfare because what I experienced was not just relational harm. It was soul level disruption.”
As a physician, she initially reached for the familiar learning model: see one, do one, teach one.
There was no see one this time. The blueprint she needed required divine instruction.
“This wasn’t see one, do one, teach one. This was: do one… and teach one.”
And in that moment, what emerged was not just a coping strategy but a God given blueprint for healing from covert narcissistic abuse.
The Breakdown of Understanding
After going no contact with Levi and continuing to manage low-contact exposure to Jessie in a shared work environment, Dr. Zacharia entered a reality that those around her struggled to comprehend.
"My mother listened—up to a point. She even expressed outrage at their behavior. But a few weeks later, with a smirk, she mentioned that my brother thought I was ‘crazy’ and needed help. And just like that, in a single sentence, came the familiar kick when I was already down."
When the covert narcissist senses they are losing control of the narrative, they launch a calculated smear campaign designed to discredit the survivor before the truth can surface. One of their most effective tactics is portraying the victim as mentally unstable in order to protect their false image and gain sympathy from others.
As Dr. Zacharia shares in this episode, covert narcissists use statements like, “I tried to help her and did the best I could,” or “I asked her to get help a long time ago, but she just didn’t listen,” or “I’m really worried about her.” These comments are not rooted in genuine concern. Instead, they are strategic attempts to shape perception and undermine the survivor’s credibility before they have the opportunity to speak their truth.
“If they don’t create this narrative first, they know other people may believe you instead of them.”
To reinforce the illusion, covert narcissists infiltrate social, professional and familial networks either directly or indirectly through the use of flying monkeys. The impact of this manipulation leaves survivors isolated, misunderstood and emotionally exhausted.
“The friends who remained loyal to me despite the smear campaign initially lent a listening ear, but they struggled to comprehend the depth of what I was facing. And it wasn’t their fault; they had never experienced covert narcissistic abuse themselves.”
One friend attempted to compare the experience to a painful breakup, but as Dr. Zacharia explains, covert narcissistic abuse is far more psychologically and emotionally destructive.
Another friend, though somewhat familiar with narcissism, still struggled to understand the covert subtype and asked for evidence to support the claim.
“She didn’t know about this category of narcissism—just as I hadn’t known until a few months earlier. And while I understood that her intentions weren’t malicious, it still left me feeling as though I had to justify my experience rather than receive comfort or support.”
The emotional toll of constantly defending reality after enduring prolonged manipulation becomes overwhelming for many survivors.
“When you’re emotionally depleted after justifying every action and proving yourself to the covert narcissist and their flying monkeys, this is the last thing you want to do.”
Over time, the confusion and emotional isolation can cause survivors to completely withdraw.
“Other friends reacted with blank stares and confusion. I knew I was hitting a wall. After a while, I just stopped talking about what had happened to me and didn’t even bother trying. The judgment, the confusion—it made me feel worse, not better.”
Dr. Zacharia also reflects on the profound personality changes that often occur after prolonged covert narcissistic abuse.
“They knew I was different from the person they once knew and they didn’t know how to process it. In fact, I was still trying to process it myself. I had become the shell of the person I once was. Once open, light-hearted and full of jokes, I was now quiet, reserved—a permanent gray rock. Overall, I eventually stopped opening up in my remaining relationships altogether.”
Ultimately, the aftermath of covert narcissistic abuse left her feeling profoundly alone.
The Turning Point in Covert Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Releasing External Validation and Reclaiming Authentic Connection
To the outside world, the covert narcissist appears humble, kind and well-intentioned. Even when people are not directly recruited as flying monkeys, those remaining in one's life may still struggle to reconcile the stark contrast between the person they see and the reality one experienced behind closed doors.
“And even if they weren’t recruited as a flying monkey, the people remaining in your life often struggle to reconcile the stark differences between what they see and what you’ve experienced—in much the same way we had a difficult time reconciling the cognitive dissonance generated within the relationship.”
As Dr. Zacharia explains, this disconnect is part of what makes covert narcissistic abuse so destabilizing. The manipulation is intentionally concealed beneath a carefully crafted facade.
“What most people fail to realize is that underneath that facade lies the same envy, manipulation and fragile ego that drives overt narcissists.”
Unlike overt narcissists whose behaviors are often more obvious and externally aggressive, covert narcissists operate through subtlety, deception and calculated emotional control.
“The primary difference between the two is that their cruelty is hidden, strategic and targeted—intentionally so subtle that other people are unaware of what is happening. Only those who have been targeted by it firsthand understands the gravity of what you have been through.”
One of the most painful realizations for survivors is understanding that many people simply cannot fully comprehend covert narcissistic abuse unless they have personally lived through it themselves.
“And that’s the thing, as painful as it is to realize, no one will be able to truly grasp the layers of deceit and control unless they’ve lived through it themselves.”
Yet within that painful realization lies a profound turning point in the healing journey.
“This realization, however, becomes a turning point—a moment when you begin to understand that the comfort you are looking for cannot come from those who have never walked through your fire.”
The isolation survivors feel after covert narcissistic abuse can be emotionally devastating, but it can also lead to deep personal transformation and clarity about the relationships they choose to maintain moving forward.
In the aftermath of covert narcissistic abuse, Dr. Zacharia describes entering a season of healing alone — one that fundamentally reshaped her understanding of connection, authenticity and self-worth.
“In the isolation—healing alone through one of the most traumatic seasons of my life—I was no longer concerned with who remained in my life, independent of the smear campaign.”
As the healing process unfolded, superficial connections no longer felt fulfilling or sustainable.
“I realized that being surrounded by people just to avoid loneliness or to fill empty space was no longer enough. I wanted true connection—one rooted in understanding, compassion and authenticity—not a connection defined by obligation, convenience or simply the length of time we’d known each other.”
This shift became both practical and philosophical, rooted in recognizing the sacredness of emotional energy and the importance of surrounding oneself with people who genuinely see and value them.
“This shift is philosophical as much as it is practical. It’s about understanding that your energy is finite and the people you allow into your life should nurture your growth and understand you. Value you for who you are, not what you bring to the table.”
Ultimately, healing required releasing the need for validation from people incapable of understanding the journey she had endured.
“To be truly seen is to be accepted without conditions and to accept yourself without permission. When we stop seeking validation from those who cannot comprehend our journey, we reclaim our power, our clarity and our freedom to live in alignment with who we were created to be.”
Divine Support in the Absence of Physical Support
In the midst of the large void in her personal life, something extraordinary began to unfold —God’s angelic team beginning to make their presence known. Not only did Archangel Michael give her the courage to walk away from Levi and begin gray-rocking Jessie at the start of her journey, but other angels also began to appear, each guiding her in subtle yet unmistakable ways.
They communicated through numbers, patterns and quiet signs woven into the fabric of her everyday life.
She began noticing repeating number sequences — 111, 222, 444, 555 — appearing everywhere: on receipts, clocks, license plates and even in the number of likes on social media posts she happened to scroll past.
“It was a subtle nudge, a reminder that I was being watched over, supported and I was not alone.”
Curious, she began looking deeper into the meaning behind these numbers. The more frequently they appeared, the more she felt guided to understand them.
“When a repeating sequence showed up more than once in a day, I received it as a message I needed to pay attention to.”
She began searching online for interpretations and eventually purchased a book on angel numbers to study them more intentionally.
As her awareness grew, she started noticing not only the common repeating sequences like 111, 444 and 1111, but also more nuanced numbers such as 311, 411 and 117. Each seemed to carry a distinct message that aligned with what she was navigating in her healing journey at the time.
She even began seeing her birthday number sequence, which she experienced as a powerful reminder of her life purpose and a sign that she was moving in the right direction.
“Over the last three years, this quiet guidance has become one of the greatest sources of strength, reassurance and emotional support I’ve ever known.”
Even without consistent physical support in her external environment, she no longer felt abandoned. Instead, she felt guided, protected and prepared for the life God was rebuilding for her.
Beyond angel numbers, she also became more attentive to other subtle cues and patterns in her environment, including spiritual symbolism.
God and His angels communicated not only through numerical sequences but also through symbolic experiences, much like parables that reveal meaning through ordinary moments.
“Much like the parables in Scripture, God used ordinary moments to teach me extraordinary lessons—messages about the next obstacle to tackle or the next layer of healing to uncover.”
Breakthrough Moment in the Middle of a Frigid Chicago Winter
In the middle of January, her heating unit stopped working in her condominium. In the context of Chicago winters, January is not just cold — it is brutal, with negative temperatures and windchill that cut straight through the body. That day happened to be one of those days. Her building’s maintenance team was unfamiliar with the specific system, so she had to bring in an external technician.
The technician who arrived was kind but visibly overwhelmed, having been called to multiple heating outages across the city. As he worked, she became curious about the system and asked him a few questions.
He explained that the fan of the coil unit was functioning properly but the capacitor was broken. Without the capacitor, the entire unit cannot function.
“It’s basically the spark plug,” he said.
As he rushed to complete the repair, one of the parts became dislodged. Because the unit was housed in a small, cramped ceiling space, it was difficult to maneuver.
"Frustrated, he let out a sigh and said, 'If I hadn’t rushed this, I’d have been done an hour ago! I know better than to rush these things.'"
What should have been a short repair ended up taking over two hours. Eventually, he was able to realign the parts and restore heat to the unit. She felt immediate relief.
"As the door closed behind him, I felt a strong intuitive nudge: You need to reflect on what just happened."
And that moment became a turning point in her healing journey — one that is a core teaching within the TFM Transformation Course.
Healing, she realized, requires reframing the mind’s relationship to suffering. When approached with resistance, avoidance or denial — when triggers are brushed past, emotions are buried and the root cause is not confronted — a person remains psychologically and emotionally bound to the experience.
Even when the covert narcissist is physically gone, the impact of the abuse can persist for years: through rumination, intrusive memories that feel immediate and unresolved and repeated emotional triggers that arise through similar people or situations.
Dr. Zacharia, explains that these triggers are not coincidences or disruptions to be dismissed.
“Triggers are invitations—signals revealing wounds that must be addressed and healed.”
She came to understand that these wounds are often the very places where the covert narcissist was able to gain emotional and psychological entry in the first place.
Using the heating unit as a teaching metaphor, she began to see the trigger as the cold temperature that activates the capacitor. The capacitor represents mindset. The motor represents the healing process itself.
If the mindset remains rooted in avoidance, denial or resistance, movement through trauma becomes impossible. Without movement, there is no transformation, only repetition of the same internal cycles.
“And until this part of the journey is tackled head-on, where you confront your triggers and process the pain, you cannot transmute it.”
She also came to understand the danger of rushing the healing process.
“And like the technician who tried to rush through the repair process, if you rush through the healing process and jump into another relationship—the covert narcissist will reappear in your life: the same spirit with a new face, new name and more malignant role.”
Looking back, she recognized this pattern in her own life, noting that the third covert narcissist she encountered was the most destructive and malignant. Dr. Zacharia highlights in this important moment of the episode that earlier lessons in her life were not fully integrated, not due to inability, but due to lack of awareness of how to process them at the time.
"I continued to receive messages, lessons and nudges from the angelic realm to view my obstacles as opportunities to learn - with a new capacitor and mindset in place. Although uncomfortable and in fact painful at times, I found these lessons profoundly informative and guiding once I understood the lesson."
Gratitude as a Lifeline in the Midst of Rumination
“If you follow me on social media, you’ve heard me talk about the transformative power of gratitude during the healing journey.”
She explains that this practice became a foundational part of the blueprint God gave her to heal from the inside out.
“It touched soul-level wounds in a way nothing else had and eventually healed not only my spirit, but my mind as well.”
She reviews how gratitude is a guiding universal principle.
“Many people practice gratitude daily, consciously and unconsciously.”
However, she notes that after prolonged covert narcissistic abuse, the mind becomes trapped in cycles of rumination that distort perception and block access to gratitude.
“Yet when you’ve lived through years of covert narcissistic abuse and your mind becomes trapped in loops of rumination, you start to lose sight of the blessings still present in your life. In fact, you may lose sight of gratitude entirely.”
She describes profoundly destabilizing nature of rumination, pulling the mind away from the present moment and into repetitive mental loops of the past and future.
“That’s how damaging rumination is to your life. Not only does it cause you to overlook your blessings, it also pulls you out of the present, anchoring you in two places you do not belong.”
She explains how the mind becomes stuck in the past, replaying trauma and seeking resolution that never comes.
“It keeps you stuck in the past—replaying every criticism, manipulation, and moment of trauma from the covert narcissist over and over in your mind."
"You lie awake at night, going over a conversation from years ago, imagining all the ways you could have responded differently."
"You might analyze a subtle comment someone made, questioning whether you misunderstood it, or obsess over what they really meant. Your brain becomes trapped in a loop, searching for answers, closure or justice that may never come.”
At the same time, she describes how rumination traps individuals in future-focused fear and hypervigilance.
“On the other extreme of the pendulum swing, rumination keeps you trapped in the future—constantly anticipating the covert narcissist’s next move, imagining worst-case scenarios and walking on eggshells even in situations where the danger no longer exists."
"You rehearse potential arguments and second-guess every interaction before it even happens. Your mind plays out every possible betrayal, slight or manipulation, making it feel as though the abuse is happening all over again. Your nervous system stays on high alert, creating stress, anxiety and a lingering sense of unease.”
Dr. Zacharia describes rumination as more than overthinking, it is a cycle that hijacks emotional regulation and keeps the body in a false state of threat.
“It convinces you that you are still in danger, even when you are physically safe. Such constant replay reinforces negative emotions and drains your energy.”
In contrast, she notes that this fixation on the past and future causes the present moment to pass unnoticed, including the very aspects of life that once brought joy and meaning.
“Meanwhile, the present—your current life—is slipping by unnoticed. And what do you miss most? The very blessings the covert narcissist envied. The parts of you they resented. The light in you they desperately wanted to extinguish.”
She describes gratitude as a lifeline that interrupts rumination and reconnects her to the present moment.
“It didn’t just forcibly interrupt rumination—it pulled me back into the moment. It allowed me to see what was still good, still intact, still mine in my life.”
She found that writing gratitude lists had a grounding and therapeutic effect that internal reflection alone did not provide.
“I found that physically writing out my gratitude list was far more cathartic than just thinking about it. Writing in an intentional act that slows the mind down. It creates space to pause, reflect, breathe and truly feel the present moment. Putting pen to paper makes the practice tangible and grounding in a way mental reflection simply can’t.”
She describes establishing a consistent daily ritual in a safe, familiar space that became emotionally restorative over time.
“Everyday, I chose a quiet, comfortable spot for my daily gratitude practice. For me, it was one particular place in my bed—the same spot where I slept. My cat Joey would stretch out next to me, slow-blinking while I wrote. That small ritual and her presence, added warmth and comfort to the practice.”
She reflects on how repeated practices can transform physical spaces into personal sanctuaries.
“Wherever you repeatedly journal, pray, meditate or reflect, your mind eventually associates that place with that emotional state.”
Dr. Zacharia recounts how maintaining a gratitude practice was difficult at first due to exhaustion and ongoing emotional stress.
“After running on empty and still dealing with the ongoing abuse from Jessie at work, I found myself wanting to lie on the couch, binging TV shows on Netflix.”
She began with a very small, intentional list to make the practice accessible.
“So I started small—really small. My list consisted of three things. A warm shower. Showing up to work. Arriving home from work safely.”
She notes that what may appear insignificant to others often feels monumental to someone recovering from chronic emotional abuse.
Over time, she explains, the practice expanded naturally and became easier to sustain. She describes gratitude as a stabilizing force that protected her emotionally even while she was still exposed to ongoing abuse.
“And in that first year of my practice—when Jessie, the malignant covert narcissist, was still an active force of destruction in my life—my gratitude practice felt like a shield around my heart.”
“Not only did it interrupt hours of rumination that consumed my evenings and weekends, it also opened up my heart again.”
She encourages others not to wait for ideal circumstances before beginning.
“So even if you haven’t gone no contact yet, do not wait to start this.Find a place—any place—that feels safe. A café, your parked car, a corner in a library, a bench in a park close by, anywhere. Just carve out a sliver of space where you can exist for a moment without fear.”
Dr. Zacharia reflects that after going no contact, her healing deepened further and allowed her to gain a wider perspective on her journey.
“After I finally went no contact with Jessie, my healing journey progressed further and I began to zoom out to look at the bigger picture 2 years into the process.”
Graves Disease: The Catalyst for Change That Altered Dr. Zacharia's Life Forever
She describes how, over time, she began to reconsider what most people would not typically label as blessings, instead reframing them as blessings in disguise.
At first, she even expresses a sense of gratitude toward her diagnosis of Graves disease, despite its severe physical and emotional impact.
She acknowledges the toll it took on her body and mental health, noting that it disfigured her eyes, intensified anxiety and disrupted many aspects of her life she once took for granted.
“Yes — it disfigured my eyes, intensified my anxiety and changed many things in my life I once took for granted. But in a strange way, it also gave me the courage to do something I would have never done without it.”
She explains that Graves disease ultimately forced her into deep self reflection about her relationships, boundaries and long-standing patterns of people-pleasing and obligation.
“Graves disease forced me to stop and examine my life on a deep level. I had to look at the people I was allowing into my space and the situations I kept tolerating. I had to get honest about the relationships I maintained out of obligation, about the people whose needs I always prioritized above my own and about the ones who knowingly used me or took advantage of me simply because they could.”
She contrasts her former state of being with the changes the illness created, noting that before her thyroid condition worsened, she would have continued enduring those dynamics indefinitely.
“Before my thyroid spiraled, I would have kept them all in my life. I would have continued carrying the weight of everyone else’s expectations out of fear, out of habit, out of fear of professional compromise.”
She describes how the progression of her condition made avoidance impossible, as her body began to respond intensely to stress.
“But my Graves disease changed the stakes. Any stressor sent my thyroid levels through the roof - my body refused to let me ignore what I had been ignoring for years.”
She further explains how physical symptoms escalated alongside emotional distress, reinforcing the urgency of change.
“When my thyroid levels went through the roof, so did my anxiety and palpitations. My eyes bulged out more and my medication dosage increased. The higher the dose, the more weight I gained.”
Ultimately, she came to see the illness as a form of divine intervention that compelled her to make necessary life changes.
“I had no choice but to remove the people and situations that never should have been there in the first place. And as strange as it sounds, I see my Graves disease as a gift. It was a divine intervention, something that pushed me to finally do what I should have done decades ago.”
“It forced me to choose myself. And for that, I’m forever grateful.”
She later reflects on how this same reframing extended to her experience with covert narcissistic abuse itself, especially around the time she launched the TFM Transformation Course in January of 2025.
“By the time the TFM Transformation Course launched 1 year later, I also found myself genuinely grateful for the covert narcissist’s destructive role in my life.”
She references a widely viewed message she shared publicly that reflects this interpretation.
“In fact, one of my most-viewed and commented TikTok videos, titled ‘10 Reasons Why God Permitted the Covert Narcissist to Enter Your Life,’ resonates deeply with many survivors. It reflects a truth people eventually come to understand as they do healing work.”
She emphasizes that while the intent of the abuse was to be destructive, she transformed it into divine purpose.
“Even though it was the covert narcissist’s intention to destroy me, God guided me to transform the pain they inflicted into my power.”
She explains how the experience reshaped her understanding of boundaries, self-worth and relational standards.
“The covert narcissist’s actions forced me to learn the difference between being nice and being kind. They forced me to raise the standards I had once kept so low that allowed people into my life that had no business being there. Their presence became the catalyst that shed a life that didn’t serve me—a life I lived for everyone else but myself. Their presence propelled me into my higher calling.”
Dr. Zacharia describes the aftermath of this transformation as a complete rebuilding of her life on a stronger foundation. She also reflects on the theological question often raised about suffering and divine allowance.
“Some of you might ask yourself: Being omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent, why didn’t God stop the enemy from sending the covert narcissist our way?”
She offers her interpretation that adversity functions as a form of strengthening and refinement.
“A sword forged in flames is stronger than one that has never been tested. Many of us were targeted by covert narcissists because of the light we carry. If we weren’t a threat to darkness, the enemy would have ignored us.”
She expands this idea to describe the experience of being misunderstood or attacked as a reflection of spiritual significance rather than personal defect.
“If you’ve been challenged and attacked throughout your life for simply existing, it is because the enemy cannot stand the bright light God instilled in you.”
Finally, she reframes the entire experience of suffering as purposeful formation rather than random misfortune.
“When you are in the trenches of covert narcissistic abuse, every survivor wonders at some point, why is this happening to me?”
“This didn’t happen to you, God allowed it to happen for you—as preparation for your higher calling. A diamond forms under extreme pressure, not in comfort. We are God’s diamonds, created with a profound purpose.”
Job's Story and the Parallel to Covert Narcissistic Abuse
At this point in the episode. Dr. Zacharia reflects on the biblical story of Job, drawing a parallel between his endurance through suffering and her own journey through adversity.
Job was a righteous and faithful man whose trust in God remained intact even through extreme suffering. Dr. Zacharia explains his trials were divinely permitted for a greater purpose of refinement rather than punishment.
“Job was a righteous, faithful man who trusted God completely, even in the midst of unimaginable suffering. Yet God allowed Satan to test him—not because Job was weak, but because God already knew the depth of Job’s strength, faith, integrity and perseverance."
"Job’s unwavering faith sustained him through every trial and God permitted the challenge because He knew Job would not only endure it but emerge refined, strengthened and restored.”
Dr. Zacharia discusses that covert narcissistic abuse served as the catalyst that forced her into deep reflection and transformation.
“When I look back on my journey, covert narcissistic abuse forced me to realize that I do not need anyone else to validate my worth, abilities, power or capacity to be loved. All of these things must come from within. Anything else that comes outside of this is simply icing on the cake.”
Dr. Zacharia explains that earlier emotional wounds no longer defined her identity as they once did thanks to God's intervention in her life.
“My child wounds no longer define me as it once did. The wounds I tried to heal in my adult relationships I have finally healed within myself.”
“And with God’s guidance and angelic support, I have transformed every heartbreak, every moment of confusion and every tear into strength, purpose, resilience and unshakable light. The rumination that once consumed me now ceases to exist.”
She describes this process as alchemization of pain into strength, rooted in spiritual connection and inner resilience.
“That is the power of God, gratitude, prayer and alchemization of pain into strength. When you tap into inner strength backed by divine guidance, nothing can stop you and you are no longer defined by your trauma but rather, empowered by it. You develop an indomitable sense of self that cannot be shaken by outside forces.”
She emphasizes that this shift would not have been possible without God.
“Of course, this realization in my life could not have been possible without God’s presence and His angels watching over me. My life is a testament to their existence and the profound impact they’ve had and continue to have in my journey.”
She also describes a restored sense of intuition and discernment that now guides her interactions and boundaries.
“Today, my intuition is back, stronger than ever. I honor red flags—I don’t ignore them and I don’t push past them. Anything that signals dishonesty… invasiveness disguised as concern… self-serving agendas hiding behind the mask of guidance… or statements that invalidate my reality or paint me as mentally unwell simply for seeing through the facade—I walk away from all of it. No regret. No explanation.”
She concludes with a sense of gratitude for the suffering that ultimately refined her character and awareness.
“And I am grateful… truly grateful… for the fire that forged this clarity and this second chance at life.”