Welcome to Unseen but Not Untold: Overcoming Covert Narcissistic Abuse - a podcast series where the silence around covert narcissistic abuse is broken—and the truth is finally heard. This podcast is hosted by Dr. Christine C. Zacharia, MD— integrative covert narcissistic abuse recovery expert, board certified endocrinologist and founder of The Flying Monkey, MD.
"Here I call out the abuse others dismiss or turn a blind eye to. Where I empower you to break the silence in your own life, name what was hidden and transform your pain into power, purpose and unshakable light."
This podcast takes you on a journey that reaches beyond healing — it’s a divine call to step into your power and reclaim your light.
"It’s time to step into the truth of WHO God created you to be."
"I’m sharing my story to ignite the divine strength within every soul who has ever been manipulated, silenced or made to doubt their worth — to remind you that you are not alone. This is for every person who’s ever questioned their sanity in the face of manipulation. For every heart that’s been told it was 'too sensitive.' For every light-bearer who was targeted because of their radiance. For every generational cycle breaker who was called 'dumb' or 'crazy.' For every trailblazer who was labeled 'selfish' for daring to live life on their own terms."
Exposing Abuse That Hides in Plain Sight
Dr. Zacharia starts off the episode by discussing what makes covert narcissistic abuse so insidious and difficult to identify.
"It wears a mask of kindness, generosity and humility. It’s subtle, insidious and leaves no visible scars, yet it erodes your confidence, your health and your sense of self from the inside out."
"It convinces you that you’re the problem — even when you’re the one being harmed."
Through deeply personal storytelling and spiritual insight, Dr. Zacharia courageously shares her own experience navigating covert narcissistic abuse. In doing so, she creates space for survivors to finally feel seen, validated and understood on a global scale.
Covert narcissistic abuse is highly prevalent in modern day society. It does not discriminate based on gender, ethnicity, socioeconomic background or geographical location.
When the Mask Slips: The Hidden Destruction of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
For years, Dr. Zacharia believed she understood narcissism. Like many professionals trained in psychology and medicine, she was familiar with the classic presentation of narcissistic personality disorder — the overt narcissist. These individuals are easier to recognize because their behaviors are more outwardly visible: arrogance, grandiosity, attention-seeking and a constant need for admiration.
“Throughout my life, I’ve encountered many overt narcissists — the loud, boastful, attention-seeking type. I knew how to recognize them thanks to what I learned about narcissistic personality disorder in college and medical school.”
Over the course of her medical training and professional career, Dr. Zacharia encountered many individuals who embodied these traits. Some were colleagues. Some were people she once considered friends. But healing brought clarity and clarity revealed uncomfortable truths.
“I crossed paths with overt narcissists throughout my training and career. Some of these colleagues, I even considered friends at one point — until I started doing the healing work and began to understand how they truly operated beneath the surface.”
Yet despite the challenges overt narcissists created in her life, they were not the individuals who inflicted the deepest damage.
Dr. Zacharia explains the most devastating wounds came from covert narcissists.
“That dishonorable distinction belongs to the covert narcissists — the ones who impacted my mental, emotional and physical well-being the most. I didn’t even know covert narcissism existed until I encountered the third covert narcissist in my life — the most malignant and destructive of them all.”
The Narcissism No One Talks About
That encounter became a turning point.
“That experience opened my eyes to a level of evil so insidious, it hides behind kindness, humility and love.”
This is what makes covert narcissistic abuse uniquely dangerous. Survivors are not simply harmed by cruelty — they are harmed by contradiction. The abuse is delivered through a person who outwardly appears caring, generous or emotionally safe, creating profound confusion and psychological conflict within the victim.
The Performance Behind the Mask
Covert narcissists cultivate an image of humility and compassion that allows them to evade suspicion while quietly maintaining control behind closed doors.
“On the surface, covert narcissists appear humble, compassionate and selfless. But behind closed doors, they thrive on the very same things overt narcissists do — control, power and manipulation.”
This duality creates one of the most painful aspects of covert narcissistic abuse: cognitive dissonance. The public persona rarely matches their private reality.
“Beneath their humble image lies deep jealousy and resentment, emotions they carefully conceal from the outside world. To society, they appear kind and giving, but it’s all part of the performance.”
Because the abuse is subtle and psychologically manipulative, survivors often struggle to trust their own instincts. Many spend years attempting to reconcile the disconnect between what they experience privately and what the rest of the world sees publicly.
For Dr. Zacharia, this cognitive dissonance kept her entrenched in covert narcissistic relationships for years and decades.
“The covert narcissists in my life generated a mind numbing level of cognitive dissonance I couldn’t reconcile and generated cycles of rumination that left me questioning my character, sense of worth and my perception of their malignant behavior.”
The Mask of Light: Understanding the Hidden Nature of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
One of the most dangerous aspects of covert narcissistic abuse is that it rarely looks abusive to the outside world.
In fact, covert narcissists are often the very people society admires most. They carefully construct identities that position them as trustworthy, selfless and morally upright — making it nearly impossible for others to recognize the destruction happening behind closed doors.
As Dr. Zacharia explains:
“In society, covert narcissists are often seen as the ‘good parent,’ the ‘devoted spouse,’ or the ‘dutiful son.’ They might even be praised as the ‘exemplary teacher’ or the ‘pillar of the church.’”
This carefully curated image is not accidental. Covert narcissists intentionally cultivate appearances designed to manipulate public perception while concealing their true nature.
“They make self-deprecating remarks, constantly fishing for reassurance and validation. On the surface, it can be easy to mistake them for someone who’s simply insecure or humble. But beneath that facade lies something far more sinister — a calculated manipulation designed to control how others see them while concealing who they truly are.”
For survivors, this contradiction creates profound confusion. The abuse is subtle enough to evade outside detection, yet psychologically damaging enough to leave victims questioning their own instincts and perception of reality.
When Intuition Collides With Manipulation
One of the defining features of covert narcissistic abuse is the internal conflict it creates within survivors. Even highly intuitive individuals struggle to reconcile what they sense privately with the image the covert narcissist presents publicly.
Dr. Zacharia describes this experience with striking clarity:
“Their performance is so convincing that even the most intuitive among us begin to question what we feel in our spirit to be true. And because their abuse is invisible to the outside world, their victims are left confused, isolated and suffering in silence.”
This isolation is part of what makes covert narcissistic abuse so psychologically devastating. Survivors feel trapped between what they know internally and what everyone around them appears to believe externally.
Covert Narcissism Runs Deeper Than a Personality Disorder: It is Spiritual Warfare
“I have said this on my social media accounts and I will say this again: covert narcissism runs deeper than a personality disorder — it’s spiritual warfare.”
This perspective forms a central part of her platform and podcast.
“They prey on genuine empathy. They wear the mask of light while carrying the energy of darkness. And every time that mask slips, the same sinister entity is revealed.”
For many survivors, these words resonate deeply because they describe experiences that often feel impossible to explain through logic alone.
The Moment the Mask Falls
“Many of us have seen it — that sudden shift. The black, piercing eyes. The drained face. The cold, lifeless energy that surfaces the moment you shine too brightly, love too deeply or celebrate your joy too freely.”
Dr. Zacharia explains these moments emerge when the survivor experiences joy, success, confidence or emotional freedom — experiences the covert narcissist perceives as a personal threat to their fragile ego.
“That is when the mask falls — and the truth of what you’re dealing with finally comes into view.”
Beyond Physiology: The Unmistakable Darkness Survivors Recognize
Drawing from her expertise as a board certified endocrinologist, Dr. Zacharia acknowledges part of the “mask slip” phenomenon may involve the body’s adrenaline-driven fight-or-flight response.
“Physiologically, part of what we witness in those fleeting moments — when the covert narcissist’s mask slips — can be explained by the adrenaline rush of the fight-or-flight response.”
“It’s a paradoxical reaction: the covert narcissist perceives your happiness, your peace, your success, as a threat.”
In her practice, Dr. Zacharia has managed patients with adrenaline-secreting tumors and adrenaline levels more than three times the upper limit of normal. Not once has she witnessed in those patients what she has witnessed during the moments the mask slips with a covert narcissist.
“As an endocrinologist who has treated patients with adrenaline-secreting tumors, I can tell you with certainty: what we witness in that unveiling goes far beyond science.”
She continues:
“The darkness that flashes through their eyes in that instant is something else entirely — bone-chilling, soulless and unmistakable. It’s a kind of evil that can only be recognized by those who’ve seen it firsthand — by fellow survivors who’ve seen it with their own eyes.”
Covert Narcissists Put On An Oscar Worthy Performance
“The covert narcissist’s ‘acts of kindness’ are not born of love; they are calculated performances — Oscar-worthy scenes designed to elicit praise, admiration and validation to feed a fragile ego.”
Dr. Zacharia explains these individuals strategically imitate emotional authenticity in order to lower defenses.
“They feign humility. They mimic vulnerability. But it’s all a deliberate act to lower your defenses and disarm your intuition.”
And often, the people they target most are those with the deepest capacity for empathy and compassion.
“The most sinister part? They have a specific type of person they like target. They seek out empaths — those of us whose hearts are wide open, whose compassion often stems from our own pain.”
For survivors, recognizing these patterns is the first step toward reclaiming clarity, self-trust and spiritual peace.
The Empath and the Covert Narcissist: Two Sides of the Same Coin
At the center of covert narcissistic abuse is a deeply painful psychological and spiritual dynamic — one that draws narcissists and empaths together. Both share deep trauma but the outcome of how they process the pain is different.
“Unlike the covert narcissist, whose silent motto is, ‘I’ll do everything in my power to never be vulnerable again,’ the empath’s mission is, ‘I never want anyone else to feel the pain I did.’”
This difference is not superficial. It becomes the foundation of a tragic relational pattern — one in which compassion is gradually exploited rather than honored.
“And that’s where the tragic connection forms — the empath’s compassion becomes the very doorway through which the narcissist enters.”
“What begins as empathy and understanding slowly transforms into exhaustion and self-betrayal, as the empath tries to heal what was never theirs to fix.”
The Empath as a Source of Supply
Within this dynamic, the empath becomes an emotional resource — offering patience, validation and unconditional care in the hopes of healing the covert narcissist.
“To the covert narcissist, the empath is an endless well — a steady source of love, attention, validation and emotional energy.”
But this giving is not mutual. It is one-sided and it is sustained by the empath’s belief that love alone can resolve emotional brokenness.
“And the empath, with the purest of intentions, keeps giving, believing their care and understanding can soothe the narcissist’s pain.”
Dr. Zacharia emphasizes a painful truth many survivors eventually come to recognize:
“But love cannot heal what refuses to confront its own darkness.”
A Continuous Cycle of Exploitation
“To the covert narcissist, a relationship with an empath is like winning the lottery.”
They anticipate consistency in forgiveness, endurance and emotional investment, which allows the cycle of dependency and control to deepen.
“They know the empath will persevere, will forgive, will keep showing up — and so they secure their supply.”
Over time, this dynamic can lead to manipulation, emotional gaslighting and psychological destabilization, where the empath begins to question their own perception of reality.
“They manipulate, gaslight and abuse until the empath begins to question their own worth, their goodness, even their sanity.”
“And over time, the empath’s radiant light begins to dim — not because it’s gone, but because it’s been buried under the weight of the narcissist’s distorted projections.”
Replacement, Control and the Preservation of Image
“The covert narcissist understands that their ‘jackpot’ eventually runs out.”
This leads to a repetitive cycle of seeking new sources of validation, attention and emotional regulation.
“That’s why the covert narcissist is always on the lookout for new supply — new energy, new admiration, new victims to feed their fragile ego.”
In many cases, this transition is not clean or direct. Instead of openly ending the relationship, covert narcissists may engage in reverse discard— a process designed to push the other person out while preserving their own image.
“They either discard their old victim entirely or, more often, force what’s called a reverse discard — where they become so cruel, so emotionally abusive, that their victim has no choice but to leave.”
This strategy allows them to maintain a carefully curated public persona.
“The covert narcissist prefers this route because it allows them to preserve their image — to keep playing the ‘good guy’ or ‘good girl’ in everyone else’s eyes.”
And when the relationship ends, the pattern of distortion often continues.
“And when you finally do have the courage to leave, they will make sure to paint you as the problem.”
“They’ll call you unstable, ungrateful, dramatic, mentally ill — anything to keep the spotlight off their own darkness.”
“They’ll try to destroy your credibility, isolate you from your social network, and strip away everything that once mattered to you.”
The Reclamation of Identity and Purpose
Despite the weight of this experience, Dr. Zacharia frames the survivor’s journey not as defeat, but as awakening. Her message is rooted in resilience, identity and spiritual restoration — a reclaiming of truth after distortion.
“But here’s the truth the covert narcissist doesn’t want us to see: we are generational cycle breakers, lightworkers, spiritual trailblazers.”
“We rise.”
“We turn pain into power.”
Dr. Zacharia reminds listeners that even in the aftermath of betrayal and emotional devastation, something unbreakable remains within the survivor.
“God lit a fire within us that cannot be extinguished — not by betrayal, not by loss, not by their smear campaigns.”
And through that inner strength, transformation becomes possible.
“Every setback sharpens us. Every obstacle strengthens our resolve.”
Dr. Zacharia explains, survival is not the end of the story — it is the beginning of a deeper awakening, where clarity replaces confusion and identity is no longer defined by distortion, but by truth.
From Suffering to Restoration: A Spiritual Awakening After Covert Narcissistic Abuse
Throughout Unseen but Not Untold, healing from covert narcissistic abuse is not purely psychological — it is deeply spiritual. It involves divine testing, refinement and restoration, where suffering is never without meaning and recovery is never without purpose.
She draws a parallel to one of the most enduring biblical narratives of endurance and faith:
“Just like Job in the Old Testament, God may allow us to be tested. He may permit the enemy to strip away everything that once gave us identity or comfort. But just as Job never lost his faith, neither will we.”
Within this perspective, loss is not the final word. Restoration is.
“Because in the end — just like Job — we are restored. Not just to where we once were, but to far more than we could have ever imagined.”
Restoration as Divine Reconstruction
Dr. Zacharia emphasizes that restoration is not simply a return to a previous state of life. It is transformation into something stronger, more aligned and more spiritually grounded.
“God doesn’t just rebuild what was broken. He resurrects it — into something greater, holier and divinely aligned with His purpose for our lives.”
In this framing, the breaking down of one’s former life is not viewed as destruction alone, but as preparation for a new and expanded identity.
A Testimony of Purpose Through Trial
Dr. Zacharia also expresses that the survivor's experience with covert narcissistic abuse was not random, but part of a larger spiritual unfolding.
“God allowed Satan to send the covert narcissist your way — not as punishment, but as divine preparation.”
“He permitted your old life to be torn down — not to destroy you, but to make way for something far greater.”
She describes the aftermath not as loss alone, but as emergence — the rising of a stronger, more grounded and spiritually aware self.
“Because He knew the version of you that would rise on the other side — the healed, awakened, unshakable you — would be unstoppable, shining in your true purpose.”
Letting Go of the Old Life
A central theme in this message is the idea that healing does not mean returning to what once was, but stepping into what is newly available.
“You will never get back your old life… and that’s a good thing.”
Instead, healing opens the door to healthier relationships, emotional stability and deeper alignment.
“Because once you begin to heal — once you work through your triggers and the deep-rooted wounds that drew that narcissist into your life — you’ll begin to see just how much more God wants for you.”
This new life is characterized by safety, authenticity and mutual respect.
“You’ll begin to attract peace. Healthy love. True connection. People who see you, who honor you and who stand beside you — not because they want to ride your coattails or benefit from you in some way — but because they value you.”
Spiritual Warfare and Purpose
Dr. Zacharia also frames the experience of covert narcissistic abuse within a broader spiritual context, describing it as part of a larger pattern of opposition against individuals who carry strong purpose or influence.
“Your comeback from covert narcissistic abuse isn’t just a personal victory — it’s your spiritual awakening. The truth is, the stronger your anointing, the greater the spiritual warfare you’ve faced.”
In this view, hardship is not meaningless suffering but preparation for destiny.
“Every battle was preparation. Every wound was refining you for your purpose.”
She further describes covert narcissistic abuse as one of the most severe forms of relational and spiritual attack she has encountered.
“The covert narcissist represents the ultimate spiritual attack. I have endured several traumatic situations in my life, but covert narcissistic abuse was, by far, the most debilitating — striking at my mental, emotional and even physical well-being in ways that nothing else had.”
A Message of Identity and Awakening
At the heart of Dr. Zacharia’s message is a call to remembrance — a reclaiming of identity, worth and divine purpose after experiences of distortion and emotional harm.
“I am here to help you remember who you are. To remind you that you are special, unique and authentic.”
She emphasizes that every individual carries intentional design and purpose.
“That God lit this fire inside of you for a reason — because you are one of His strongest warriors.”
From this perspective, difference is not something to suppress but something to embrace.
“You were never meant to fit in with society’s norms. You were meant to rise above them — to be the change, the light, the shift the world so desperately needs.”
Breaking the Silence: Unseen but Not Untold
Dr. Zacharia closes this portion of her message by addressing those who are currently in the process of healing or supporting someone who is.
“If you are walking your own path of healing from covert narcissistic abuse — or if you love someone who is — thank you for being here.”
“It’s time for me to reveal my truth. I’m done hiding. What was once unseen — whether intentionally hidden or silently endured — will no longer remain untold.”
“My purpose in sharing my story is to remind you: You are not alone. You are not broken. You are here for something so much greater.”