In Episode 29 of Unseen but Not Untold: Overcoming Covert Narcissistic Abuse, Dr. Christine C. Zacharia, MD, integrative covert narcissistic abuse recovery expert and board certified endocrinologist, addresses the internal struggle between disagreement and concordance with God’s plan for one’s life, focusing on what it means to stop negotiating with one’s calling and fully align with what God has already formed within them.
“This episode is dedicated to survivors struggling to accept the calling on their life—those who are afraid to walk in full alignment with their God-given purpose.”
Dr. Zacharia emphasizes that this inner tension is not uncommon or isolated, but instead something many believers experience repeatedly throughout different phases of their spiritual journey.
“In fact, this struggle is often not confined to a single season. It can resurface throughout the journey, challenging you to trust God more deeply each time it does.”
The message then deepens as she acknowledges how these internal conflicts are intensified for survivors of covert narcissistic abuse, where trauma, fear and exhaustion shape the way divine calling is perceived.
"Why would I leave behind a life that feels stable to pursue the unknown?"
"Why would God ask me to surrender even more when the covert narcissist has already taken so much from me?"
"Why would I knowingly place myself in a position where I will be persecuted for my faith in God and for walking as a leader in Christ?"
"Why can't I just live a normal life?”
She then reframes the survivor’s suffering through the lens of spiritual significance and divine purpose, suggesting that adversity is often tied to calling and their anointing.
“Chances are, the covert narcissist was just one of many major battles you have faced in your life. The reason for that is simple: God's anointing on your life is that significant. The impact you are called to make has the potential to reach far beyond what you can currently see and, quite literally, influence the course of many lives, communities and generations.”
From this foundation, she cautions that avoiding one’s calling does not eliminate hardship but may simply reshape it into another form of struggle:
“So while the thought of facing even more challenges may scare you, running from your purpose will not exempt you from future adversity. In fact, as I will explore in this episode, it may create an entirely different kind of suffering.”
Fear: Tactic of the Enemy to Distract You From Your Purpose
At some point in the healing journey, survivors of covert narcissistic abuse may find themselves in disagreement with God's plans for their lives.
Not because they are intentionally trying to disobey Him, but because fear begins to surface in ways they may not immediately recognize.
"There is the fear of being seen."
"The doubt of whether you are worthy, capable, or equipped to carry this calling."
"The fear of persecution for not only your faith in God, but your belief in Jesus Christ as the Son of God."
"The fear of leaving what is familiar and stepping into uncharted territory."
Fear is one of Satan's primary tools for suppressing God's calling on a person's life. Dr. Zacharia explains:
"Fear is exactly where Satan loves to operate when it comes to suppressing the fulfillment of God's calling on a person's life. He understands that if he can keep you fearful, he can keep you hesitant. If he can keep you hesitant, he can keep you inactive. And if he can keep you inactive, he can delay the very purpose God created you to fulfill."
This perspective aligns with the spiritual reality described in 2 Corinthians 4:4, where Paul explains Satan's influence over the world and his desire to keep people spiritually blind.
"Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God."
Satan does not want believers walking in obedience to God, discovering their authority in Christ or helping others do the same. The moment a person steps into alignment with God's purpose, their obedience begins to impact not only their own life but the lives of others as well.
"Because the moment you step into alignment with God's purpose, your obedience does not only impact your life—it begins to impact the lives of others, which in turn can impact even more lives. A ripple effect he does not want to see come to fruition."
"Your healing begins to create healing in others. Your courage gives others permission to be courageous. And your willingness to answer God's call becomes a testimony of what is possible through Him. This is why fear should not automatically be interpreted as a sign to stop."
As Paul reminds believers in 2 Timothy 1:7, fear does not originate from God:
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."
For many who have survived covert narcissistic abuse, the temptation to remain hidden is understandable. After enduring manipulation, betrayal and emotional exhaustion, the idea of stepping into greater visibility, responsibility or purpose may seem overwhelming.
Rather than shrinking back into old patterns of self-protection, survivors are called to recognize that the same strategies that once seemed safe often left them vulnerable in the first place. Playing small did not prevent covert narcissistic abuse. Suppressing their light did not protect them from harm.
"Playing it safe did not protect you at all. In many ways, it made it easier for the covert narcissist to manipulate you and gain access to the personal, professional, and social areas of your life. The very strategy you believed would protect you ultimately left you vulnerable."
The healing journey, therefore, is not about returning to who they were before the abuse occurred. It is about becoming who God created them to be.
"That is why this journey is not about shrinking back to where you once were. It did not serve you then, and it certainly will not serve you now after all the healing work you have done."
God's Chosen People Were Not Fearless
Throughout the Bible, God repeatedly called ordinary people who struggled with doubt, fear, hesitation and uncertainty. Their willingness to obey did not come from having complete confidence in themselves. Rather, it came from learning to trust God despite their fears.
As Dr. Zacharia explains:
"Imagine all of God's chosen ones we read about in the Bible—Moses, Jonah, Joshua, Esther, Elijah, Elisha, and Jeremiah, and Jesus Christ's disciples—and the list goes on. What would have happened if they ran from their calling? Where would the story of faith be today if they chose comfort over obedience, fear over trust, or hesitation over alignment with God's instruction?"
The impact of obedience extends far beyond the individual. Throughout biblical history, God's plans often unfolded through people who initially doubted their ability to fulfill the assignment placed before them.
"Every single one of them met their calling with hesitation, disbelief and fear. None of them stepped into it feeling fully ready or fully qualified."
"Moses questioned his voice. Jonah ran in the opposite direction. Esther risked her life in uncertainty. Elijah wrestled with fear and exhaustion in the wilderness. Elisha had to leave everything familiar behind. Jeremiah questioned his own adequacy, telling God he was too young and not equipped for what he was being asked to do. And Peter, even after walking with Jesus, denied Him three times out of fear."
These examples challenge the belief that fear is evidence someone is moving in the wrong direction. Scripture reveals that fear accompanies many of the assignments God places before His people.
What is equally important to recognize is that accepting God's calling did not suddenly eliminate the struggles these individuals faced.
"And even after stepping into their purpose, many of them still struggled under the weight of it."
"Moses grew weary dealing with the constant complaints of the people he was called to lead. Elijah, after moments of great victory, still found himself depleted and asking God to end his life out of exhaustion. Jeremiah wrestled deeply with discouragement and emotional pain as he carried a message people often rejected. Even the disciples faced seasons of fear, confusion and persecution as they tried to walk out what they had been commissioned to do."
The defining characteristic of God's servants throughout Scripture was not perfection, confidence or emotional certainty. It was obedience, perseverance and reliance on God.
"They moved—imperfectly at times, reluctantly at times, even painfully at times—but ultimately in obedience. And it was their willingness to continue forward through fear, fatigue and uncertainty, not the absence of it, that allowed God's purpose to unfold through their lives."
Their stories continue to serve as a reminder that God has never required perfection before calling someone into purpose. What He seeks is a willingness to trust Him enough to take the next step forward.
The Wilderness Season Is Where Faith Is Refined
Accepting God's calling is often only the beginning of the journey. For many survivors, the greater challenge comes in the season that follows—a season marked by waiting, uncertainty and a deeper dependence on God.
Dr. Zacharia's experience illustrates this reality in her life. While some struggle to accept God's direction, she explains that embracing her calling was not the difficult part. The true test came afterward, during the wilderness season that followed her departure from medicine.
As she shares:
"For me, the biggest struggle was not accepting the calling on my life, but walking through the wilderness season that followed. As I shared in Episode 3, I was already ready to leave the field of medicine given the escalating challenges the American healthcare system has continued to face over the years. God made it abundantly clear to me that I was not meant to remain in the field, especially in light of the events that unfolded leading up to my 90-day notice."
"So I readily accepted the call—but what unfolded after that challenged my faith in everything, not in the immediate three to six months, but in the season that followed."
Dr. Zacharia expected God to provide as He had in previous seasons of her life. What she did not anticipate was the length of time it would take for certain answers and outcomes to emerge.
"But I assumed, as God had always done in the past, that He would provide and that things would work out in due time. And that's where I painfully learned, my due time is not God's due time."
One of the central lessons of the wilderness season was surrender. As circumstances unfolded differently than expected, longstanding wounds and patterns began to surface, particularly her tendency toward hyper-independence and the need for control over her life.
As Dr. Zacharia reflects:
"As the wilderness season wore on, I did not see the outcomes I expected in the timing I wanted. My faith in God's provision was deeply tested, especially my willingness to surrender control and let Him lead fully."
"I have described my hyper-independence wound in previous episodes and this wilderness season brought me face to face with it in a way that could not be ignored. The more I clung to control, the more stressed and anxious I became. And in that tightening grip, fear began to creep in."
It was within this vulnerable space that spiritual warfare intensified. The uncertainty of the wilderness became fertile ground for doubt, fear and second-guessing.
"That is where Satan really tried to take a foothold in my thoughts. He tried to convince me to return to the stability of medicine because it offered predictability and familiarity—things my walk in divine purpose did not."
"Satan tried to convince me I was imagining my calling and that's why I was not seeing the results I hoped for. He tried to convince me that everything I believed about my purpose was a mistake."
For many survivors, these experiences are not unique. Seasons of waiting often create opportunities to question whether God truly spoke, whether the sacrifice was worth it or whether returning to what is familiar would be easier.
Dr. Zacharia describes how every attempt to revisit her former life revealed a deeper truth: God had already transformed her.
"There were moments in my journey when I thought about turning back and returning to my old way of life. But every time I entertained the thought of it, I felt deeply unsettled by it. Because I am no longer the same person I was—even before this wilderness season began."
Rather than viewing the wilderness as evidence that something has gone wrong, Dr. Zacharia encourages believers to see it as part of God's refining process.
"And this is why God takes all of His chosen ones through a wilderness season. It is not because He wants them to abandon what He has started in them, but because He uses it as an opportunity to refine lingering wounds, expose trigger points and strengthen the resolve to follow Him fully."
The wilderness serves a purpose beyond simply waiting for the next chapter. It develops dependence on God, strengthens spiritual discernment and weakens the enemy's ability to manipulate through fear.
"The more time you spend in the wilderness, the more you are drawn into deeper dependence on God. And in that process, the clarity and strength of your calling become increasingly undeniable. In turn, Satan's ability to use fear and confusion to manipulate you grows weaker."
For Dr. Zacharia, the breakthrough came not through gaining more control, but through surrendering it.
"One of the biggest hurdles I had to overcome in my wilderness season was surrendering control and outcomes to God. And in hindsight, I can see that this surrender would not have been possible without that wilderness season."
"Even when He tried to teach me this earlier—as I shared in the early episodes of this podcast—the lesson did not fully take root until my faith and endurance were truly tested in the wilderness."
Her testimony serves as a reminder that the wilderness is not necessarily a sign of God's absence. Often, it is the very place where faith is strengthened and survivors are prepared for the next stage of the calling God has placed on their lives.
The Walrus and the Cost of Living Outside God's Design
As Dr. Zacharia explains later in the episode, one of the misconceptions about avoiding God's calling is the belief that doing so will create peace.
In reality, choosing not to live in alignment with God's truth produces the opposite effect. Rather than reducing stress, it can create an ongoing sense of internal conflict.
"When you choose not to live in alignment with the truth God has placed within you by walking in your calling, you are not creating peace—you are generating internal conflict and stress instead."
"It is like a fish trying to live on land when it was created for water, a lion trying to live in the sea when it was created for land or an eagle walking on the ground instead of soaring in the sky. Each of these images points to the same truth: misalignment creates internal resistance."
To illustrate this concept, Dr. Zacharia introduces an unexpected symbol: the walrus, one God asked her to share with listeners for this episode.
"The walrus is a deeply interesting creature because it lives at the intersection of two worlds—land and water—yet it does not belong equally to both. It is not fully of the land, nor is it fully of the sea. Instead, it moves between the two, dependent on both, but most alive in one."
Dr. Zacharia goes on to explain that although the walrus possesses strength in both environments, its full design comes alive in the water.
"In the ocean, the walrus becomes something entirely different. What looks like limitation on land becomes fluidity in water. What feels like heaviness becomes momentum. It is an exceptionally strong swimmer, able to dive for extended periods, using its powerful body and flippers to navigate with surprising control and endurance beneath the surface."
"So the walrus is still the same creature in both places—but it thrives most fully in the water. It carries strength in both environments, but it is most in its element in the water, where its movement, endurance and capacity are fully expressed."
Dr. Zacharia transitions this example to the listener. She explains:
"Metaphorically speaking, some of you have been trying to function on land when God designed you for the water. You have been trying to carry assignments, relationships, identities or expectations in environments where your unique design cannot fully breathe. And so what happens? You start to question yourself instead of questioning the environment."
"You think, 'Why is this so hard for me?' when in reality, the difficulty is not a reflection of your capability—it is a reflection of your placement."
For survivors of covert narcissistic abuse, this message is especially relevant. Many have spent years adapting to unhealthy environments, learning how to survive circumstances that were never aligned with God's intentions for their lives. Adaptation, however, is not always evidence of purpose.
Dr. Zacharia offers this observation:
"Some of you have accepted survival as the end goal for peace of mind. And I say this with love: why settle for survival when God is offering you so much more?"
"You've learned to adapt to your present situation because you could. But adaptation is not always confirmation of purpose—it is often confirmation of resilience in the wrong environment. And resilience, while admirable, is not the same thing as alignment."
The lesson of the walrus ultimately points believers back to a simple but profound question: Are they merely surviving or are they living in alignment with the purpose God created them to fulfill?
"The walrus reminds us that strength without proper environment becomes strain. But strength in alignment with purpose becomes flow."
"So the question becomes: where has God designed you to flow, not just function?"
Her message serves as a reminder that God's chosen ones are meant to walk in the unique calling He has placed upon them - allowing their gifts, strengths and purpose to be fully expressed in the environment for which they were designed.
Dr. Zacharia highlights this passage from Matthew 5:14–16 to reinforce her point further:
“You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father."
The Stone: Why God's Calling Requires Full Commitment
Dr. Zacharia cautions survivors against living life with one foot in their purpose and one foot out. While this mindset may initially feel like wisdom or security, it ultimately creates divided loyalty and prevents a person from fully embracing the purpose God has placed before them.
"I was there too in the early part of my walk in my divine purpose. I would think to myself, 'Well, if things don't work out, I can always fall back on my medical career.' But as I described earlier in this episode, my wilderness season has cultivated a very different sentiment within me."
"Once you decide to fully embrace your calling, you need to understand this clearly: you cannot remain with one foot in and one foot out. God expects your full commitment. Your purpose requires your full attention and dedication—not a half-hearted, 'I'll just walk away when things get tough' posture.'"
This principle appears repeatedly throughout Scripture. Dr. Zacharia points to the example of Elisha, who responded to God's call by leaving behind the very tools that represented his former life. Rather than preserving a backup plan, he made a decisive commitment to the path God had placed before him.
She also notes that Jesus consistently emphasized wholehearted devotion, teaching that discipleship requires forward focus rather than divided allegiance.
In Luke 9 verse 62, Jesus states:
“Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God.”
This theme is repeated in Mark 8:34–35. Jesus tells His disciples the following:
“If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it."
The same principle can be seen in the life of Peter. Although Peter also struggled with fear and denied knowing Jesus three times before the crucifixion.
After his resurrection, Jesus saw beyond Peter's fear and reinforced his calling instead.
"After Jesus’ resurrection, He reinforces this truth in a deeply personal way, highlighting Peter’s denial of Him prior to the crucifixion. In John 21:15–17, Jesus asks Peter three times, 'Do you love me?' And each time Peter responds, Jesus commissions him: 'Feed my sheep,' and 'Take care of my people.'"
"This moment directly parallels Peter’s three denials of Jesus before the crucifixion. But here, Jesus is not only restoring Peter—He is reaffirming his calling. The threefold question serves as both restoration and commissioning into responsibility, leadership, and stewardship."
It is not an affirmation born out of doubt, but a deliberate and repeated establishment of Peter’s devotion and readiness for the calling God had placed on his life as a foundational leader in the early Church.
John 1, verse 42 highlights this moment:
"Then Andrew brought Simon to meet Jesus. Looking intently at Simon, Jesus said, 'Your name is Simon, son of John—but you will be called Cephas.' Jesus renames Simon, Cephas, an Aramaic word meaning 'rock.' The Greek translation is 'Peter,' and both names point to the same truth—his role as a foundational rock or stone in what Jesus would build through him."
This leads to the second symbol discussed in the episode: the stone.
"A stone is one of the most basic yet powerful materials mentioned throughout Scripture. It is formed over time and is inherently durable. It represents something that remains when everything else shifts. It does not move easily. It does not change identity based on its environment. It holds its form independent of where it is placed."
The symbolism of the stone reveals something important about how God develops His chosen people. God does not build His purposes upon instability. He builds upon what has been tested, refined and strengthened through experience.
The imagery becomes especially meaningful when viewed through the lens of covert narcissistic abuse. Dr. Zacharia explains the following:
"He allows pressure, not to destroy you, but to establish what is real within you. The very places where you felt broken or shaken are often the places where God is developing spiritual stability, discernment and strength that cannot be easily moved again."
Just as a stone develops over time, spiritual maturity is formed through testing, perseverance and continued reliance upon God.
Dr. Zacharia further emphasizes that stones are not only formed—they are placed.
"Because a stone is not just something that is formed—it is something that is placed. And placement often requires leaving behind what is familiar in order to become what God is building you into."
This truth speaks directly to those who feel caught between their past and the calling God is inviting them to embrace. Remaining partially committed may feel safer, but God's purpose requires a deeper level of trust.
The stone also serves as a reminder that one's divine calling will require fortitude to withstand opposition, uncertainty and pressure without abandoning the assignment God has given.
"Just like a stone, your calling is firm and must be fully embraced. A stone does not decide to pick itself up and leave. It remains and endures every storm thrown its way."
"As God's chosen one, you are Jesus’ modern-day disciples. And as you know, all of the disciples faced persecution while spreading the Good News."
Fear Is the Threshold, Not the Destination
Dr. Zacharia points to the example of Stephen, one of the earliest followers of Christ after His resurrection. Known for his bold proclamation of the Gospel, Stephen remained steadfast in his faith even when doing so ultimately cost him his life.
Stephen's story offers an important perspective on persecution:
"His example shows that persecution was not a sign of failure—it was a sign of faithfulness. He stood so firmly in truth that he was willing to endure the cost of it."
For many believers, particularly those healing from covert narcissistic abuse, fear often surfaces when they begin stepping more fully into God's calling. Questions arise about rejection, misunderstanding and what may happen when they stop shrinking themselves to accommodate others.
As Dr. Zacharia highlights these concerns in the episode:
"Are you willing to be misunderstood for your truth? Are you willing to be challenged, rejected, or even opposed for your faith in God?"
"You may be thinking: What happens when I stop shrinking? What happens when I stop minimizing my voice, my calling, and my assignment? What happens when I no longer fit into environments that once felt familiar, but were never aligned with where God was leading me?"
Rather than viewing persecution solely as something negative, Dr. Zacharia encourages readers to understand what it often signifies.
"And this is where persecution must be reframed. To be persecuted is a sign that you do not blend in. Because you are here to bring about change. Anyone who tries to bring about change will draw resistance and opposition. But this persecution is also a reminder that what you carry has significant impact."
Throughout history, those who pursued truth, challenged injustice or advanced meaningful change frequently encountered resistance. Their willingness to continue was often rooted in a clear understanding of why their assignment mattered.
Dr. Zacharia acknowledges that this journey is not easy.
"But here is what is also important to understand: you are not being asked to stand alone. God does not call you into alignment without also sustaining you within it. He is the one leading the way and paving the path forward for you. He will protect you and guide you on this journey. You are not doing any of this in your own strength."
This truth challenges the belief that everything depends on one's personal strength, wisdom or endurance. As Dr. Zacharia explains:
"What God asks of you is obedience, not self-sufficiency. He is calling you to trust that He remains steady even when the path ahead feels unclear.
"This is why Scripture repeatedly emphasizes that God goes before His people. He does not simply point toward the destination—He walks ahead of it, preparing what you cannot yet see, arranging what you cannot yet control and strengthening what you do not yet feel ready for."
For those standing at a crossroads in their healing journey, this message serves as both reassurance and invitation. The goal is not the elimination of fear. The goal is learning not to let fear dictate the direction of one's life.
Dr. Zacharia concludes with this powerful reminder:
"Fear is part of the threshold, not the destination. It is what you feel when you are standing at the precipice of your purpose—something that requires you to step out of the familiar and into uncharted territory."
"And yes, it is uncharted, because you are the one God has called to walk it in the way He has uniquely designed for you."