In Episode 23 of Unseen but Not Untold: Overcoming Covert Narcissistic Abuse, Dr. Christine C. Zacharia, MD, integrative covert narcissistic abuse recovery expert and board certified endocrinologist, explores the profound spiritual and psychological transformation that follows covert narcissistic abuse. She focuses on the gift of life renewed and a “second chance” at living life this time on the survivor's terms.
She explains that after enduring covert narcissistic abuse, life is no longer experienced casually or superficially. It becomes deeply sacred—something held with reverence, awareness and gratitude that can only be fully understood after surviving prolonged destruction.
“Because the truth is—in those relationships, we didn’t just lose parts of ourselves… we died to who we once were.”
Dr. Zacharia describes how identity is gradually dismantled in these dynamics, often silently and without external recognition, until the survivor reaches a point of profound internal loss and disconnection from their former self.
“And slowly buried in plain sight… often unnoticed by those around you.”
She emphasizes that healing is not restoration of the old self but the emergence of something entirely new, divinely restructured and anchored in God's truth.
God’s Breath of Restoration and the Emergence of a New Life
Dr. Zacharia explains that healing begins as a quiet, almost imperceptible shift initiated by God, where life is breathed back into areas that once felt unreachable or permanently lost.
“God begins to breathe life back into places that once felt unreachable.”
This restoration is not simply emotional recovery but a recalibration of identity itself—moving from survival-based existence into a truth-centered life aligned with divine purpose.
“A life that is no longer filtered through survival… but rooted in truth.”
She emphasizes that this transformation is not about returning to who the survivor was once before. It is about becoming the person God originally intended them to be, free from distortion and external control.
“You were never meant to be a vessel of endless supply—constantly drained… constantly depleted. After doing the healing work, you are restored in the truth of who you are in God. And the reward that comes from stepping into intentional healing—placing God at the center of it every single day—leads to the unveiling of your divine purpose."
Divine Purpose and the Unveiling of Assignment
Dr. Zacharia explains that intentional healing when centered on God leads to the unveiling of one’s assignment and the deeper reason behind the experiences endured.
“And that realization—that awakening—is not something another person can give you. It is something only God can provide.”
She discusses the experience of leaving a covert narcissistic relationship as both painful and revelatory, marking the beginning of a new sense of awareness, clarity and spiritual redirection.
The Gift of Stillness, Safety and Nervous System Restoration
Dr. Zacharia describes the post–no contact experience as one of increasing internal stillness, where the nervous system begins to regulate after a period of prolonged exposure to chronic stress and emotional threat.
This shift allows for the return of presence, where everyday experiences begin to feel vivid, meaningful and emotionally accessible again.
“Even the simplest moments begin to feel different.”
She highlights how sensory experiences—nature, food, breath and light—become reawakened as the body exits survival mode.
“Because after a prolonged period of depression and suppression, your senses begin to wake up.”
God’s Protection and Psalm 91
Dr. Zacharia references Psalm 91:1-4 (NLT) as a lived spiritual reality, emphasizing divine protection and safety after prolonged emotional danger:
“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God and I trust Him. For He will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. He will cover you with His feathers. He will shelter you with His wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.”
She explains that these words are experiential truth for survivors who step out of environments marked by manipulation, fear and instability.
“You can begin to feel them—not just as something you read—but as something you live inside of.”
This reflection reinforces the theme that God’s covering becomes more tangible in seasons of restoration than it may have during seasons of survival.
Joy, Presence and Relearning Life
A key transformation described in this episode is the return of joy—not as performance or achievement but as presence itself.
“A kind of happiness that comes from simply existing. Not doing. Not striving. Not proving.”
Dr. Zacharia emphasizes that this joy arises when individuals are no longer living in reaction to manipulation or attempting to earn validation from those committed to misunderstanding them.
"Instead, joy becomes rooted in alignment with truth and identity in God."
"As you step back into your truth and God rebuilds you on a strong foundation—a new level of certainty emerges."
"You begin to rest in the knowing that God’s love for you is unwavering and unconditional, not dependent on how much of yourself you can expend for someone else’s benefit or comfort."
This reward of a second chance at life is freely given by God, not earned through merit. It is something so profound that only God can provide.
A New Identity in Christ and Scriptural Anchoring
Dr. Zacharia anchors this transformation in scripture, highlighting the spiritual reality of renewal in Christ. In 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NLT) it states:
“‘This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone a new life has begun!’”
She also references 1 John 4:13–15 to emphasize the indwelling presence of God as confirmation of spiritual identity and belonging.
This reinforces the central message that the survivor’s identity is not repaired but recreated through divine work.
“Not simply a repaired version of who you were but a recreated identity in God.”
Dr. Zacharia discusses the release of coping mechanisms that evolved in the setting of covert narcissistic abuse. These patterns often formed as a way to endure emotional overwhelm, instability and prolonged psychological pressure.
She explains that dissociation, emotional numbing and avoidance are not moral failures or character flaws but adaptive responses of a nervous system under chronic stress.
In environments shaped by covert narcissistic abuse dynamics, these coping strategies often become deeply embedded because they temporarily reduce emotional intensity and help the individual function day to day.
As healing progresses and safety is restored through no contact and intentional inner work, these survival patterns begin to shift naturally. The nervous system is no longer in a constant state of threat activation, which reduces the perceived need to escape internal experience and constant emotional overload.
“I was no longer trying to escape my life anymore because for the first time I was actually living it on my terms.”
Habits that she previously used to manage emotional pain such as alcohol or binge TV watching began to decrease - not through force, but through disinterest and release.
At the height of her relationship with three covert narcissists, Dr. Zacharia recounts the amount she was drinking in the episode:
“I still remember during a routine physical with my internist at the height of my intertwined friendships with both of them, she asked me about my personal habits. I told her I sometimes had five to seven drinks a week.”
She notes that her medical background and understanding of health risks played a protective role in preventing a deeper trajectory into alcoholism. She reflects on that period with sober awareness.
“…looking back at that number now, it gives me great pause at what could have unfolded had I continued on the path I was on.”
One of the most immediate shifts Dr. Zacharia describes occurred after going no contact with Levi, the college friend covert narcissist and low contact with Jessie, the malignant coworker covert narcissist. She noticed a significant change in her desire to drink immediately.
“One of the most immediate changes I noticed after going no contact with Levi and going low contact with Jessie...was how dramatically my desire to drink decreased. At most, it became maybe one or two drinks a week. And even then, it was typically tied to celebratory moments.”
What once served as emotional sedation no longer felt aligned with the person she was becoming. Instead of craving the numbing effect, her response to alcohol itself began to change.
“In fact, something interesting happened when I did drink—there was no longer a desire for the numbing effect. If anything, it felt unnecessary and unwelcome at times. It disrupted my sleep and altered my energy the following day even with the little amount I consumed.”
She notes that this transformation reflects a deeper energetic and physiological realignment. As the nervous system stabilizes, the body no longer seeks relief through avoidance but instead begins to prioritize regulation, clarity and embodied presence.
Dr. Zacharia reviews this stage of healing as alignment rather than discipline or restriction. It is not about forcing behavioral change but about allowing the spirit to return to coherence. In that state, what no longer supports life naturally falls away and what fosters peace, presence and truth becomes the new internal baseline.
Symbolism: The Cow and the Bow & Arrow
Dr. Zacharia introduces two key symbols that represent restoration, nervous system healing and divine purpose after covert narcissistic abuse.
Cow
The first symbol, the cow, represents grounded restoration, divine provision and the nervous system’s return to safety. It reflects a season where survival is no longer the dominant internal state. Where life is no longer filtered through hypervigilance, overdrive or emotional bracing.
“It reflects rest, nourishment and being supported by life rather than constantly striving or defending oneself.”
In this stage of healing, the body begins to experience safety in a way that allows restoration to actually take place. Life becomes slower, steadier and more sustainable. Instead of living in constant state of threat, there is a return to internal stability and rhythmic peace.
The symbol of the cow speaks directly to the undoing of that internal state. The survivor is no longer required to operate from urgency or depletion.
“Like a cow grazing in green pastures, it points to resting in what is already provided, trusting the rhythm of life again and rebuilding strength in a quiet, natural way without pressure to perform or prove worth. It is a return to feeling safe again—where peace is no longer something you brace for losing, but something you grow to inhabit."
In this way, the cow symbolizes not only rest, but permission. Permission to exist without earning safety, worth or provision.
Bow & Arrow
The second symbol, the bow and arrow, represents formation under pressure and divine release into purpose. The bow symbolizes tension, refinement and unseen shaping in seasons that often feel like delay, uncertainty or prolonged waiting.
“It is wood bent under pressure, held in a posture that requires restraint, alignment and precision.”
Dr. Zacharia explains that this tension is not accidental or meaningless. Instead, it reflects intentional shaping under God’s hand, where identity, discernment and strength are formed in isolation.
“Spiritually, this reflects the shaping of character in unseen seasons—where what feels like delay is actually refinement.”
The bow also represents strength under control. It is not tension for the sake of suffering, but tension with direction. Every pull carries intention, preparing what will later be released with precision.
The arrow represents that moment of divine release. It reflects clarity, direction and assignment that is no longer fragmented or uncertain.
“Once it is sent, it moves with singular focus.”
This speaks to the shift that occurs when healing matures into purpose. What was once confusion becomes clarity. What once felt like stagnation becomes preparation. What once felt like survival becomes assignment.
Together, these symbols illustrate the movement out of survival into restoration and ultimately, purposeful release:
- the cow reflects safety and replenishment.
- the bow reflects formation and refinement under pressure.
- the arrow reflects activation and divinely timed direction.
Through this symbolic framework, Dr. Zacharia reinforces that healing after covert narcissistic abuse is not simply recovery from harm. It is divine reconstruction that leads into alignment, clarity and the unfolding of purpose that was being formed all along.
Life Rewritten by God
“What you once thought was the end of your life… was not the end at all. It was just the beginning of the life God created you for.”
Dr. Zacharia reminds listeners that their identity, purpose and restoration are anchored in God’s truth not in the narrative imposed by those who sought to diminish or distort them.
“You are not the person the covert narcissist defined you to be. God is calling you back into alignment of who He created you to be.”
Through this lens, healing is not only recovery—it is divine rebuilding, leading to a life of alignment, purpose and spiritual clarity.