In Episode 19 of Unseen but Not Untold: Overcoming Covert Narcissistic Abuse, Dr. Christine C. Zacharia, MD, integrative covert narcissistic abuse recovery expert and board-certified endocrinologist, explores God’s grace and the power it holds in the aftermath of covert narcissistic abuse.
She explains that grace does not merely rescue someone from destruction—it strengthens, restores identity in Christ and equips survivors to rise boldly into the purpose God has designed for them.
What was endured through covert narcissistic abuse was not meaningless. Rather, it served to refine discernment, deepen spiritual authority and establish a foothold for the moments when the path feels dark and demanding. This journey is neither accidental nor easy. It is entrusted to those God has strengthened for a specific calling—those meant to walk in spiritual authority and resilience.
Grace as the Foundation of Restoration
Dr. Zacharia explains that as survivors begin their healing journey, God’s grace meets them exactly where they are at the precise moment it is most needed.
"But what is grace? Simply put, it is the unearned, undeserved favor and love of God toward humanity."
"Grace is His power, His presence and His provision actively at work in our lives—saving, healing, strengthening and equipping us—something independent of our circumstances and actions."
For survivors of covert narcissistic abuse, grace becomes the steady hand that lifts them out of betrayal, confusion, manipulation and the collapse of their former life. It restores identity, reignites light and strengthens them to rise into purpose.
After abuse, many find themselves isolated, misunderstood and abandoned by those they once trusted—professionally, socially and even within family systems. This abandonment is compounded by lies, half-truths and carefully constructed narratives created by the covert narcissist.
For empaths, she notes, this pain cuts even deeper because of their inherent inability to treat others with the same cruelty they endured.
Yet in this devastation, God’s presence is unwavering. Psalm 34:18 (NLT) highlights this truth:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”
God’s grace, she emphasizes, does not abandon the brokenhearted—even when everyone else has turned away.
Collapse, Isolation and Spiritual Awakening
Dr. Zacharia reflects on her own experience after learning about the existence of covert narcissism in late 2022, shortly following her Graves’ disease diagnosis.
She describes the collapse of her professional, personal and social life after going no-contact with Levi, a college friend covert narcissist and implementing grey rocking with Jessie, a malignant coworker covert narcissist.
"Their loss of control over me—and their attempts to regain it in destructive ways—sent shockwaves through every layer of my life. What made the situation even more damaging was that these two covert narcissists were intertwined with one another, regrettably through my own introduction."
She notes that covert narcissists rely on “flying monkeys” to extend their influence without direct exposure, creating widespread distortion and confusion.
"What could be more damaging than one covert narcissist’s smear campaign? Two of them corroborating each other’s lies—fueling the betrayal, the chaos and the profound isolation that follows. And when you throw flying monkeys into the mix, you have a raging fire."
"Covert narcissists—often even more than their overt counterparts—rely heavily on these individuals to carry out much of their dirty work without ever getting their own hands dirty. Those of you listening who have endured covert narcissistic abuse have experienced this firsthand."
At the time of this massive collapse in her professional and personal life, she was already dimming her light and living in self-abandonment—far from the truth of her identity in God.
She emphasizes that God allowed this destruction for a greater divine purpose. It was in this devastation that God began redirecting Dr. Zacharia toward truth.
"Yet God allowed Satan’s attacks to unfold through these covert narcissists for a far greater purpose—one that I couldn’t see while I was in the thick of it. By the time the destruction openly began—after the carefully laid, intertwined groundwork between them—I was already dimming my light for the comfort of others."
"I was living far from my full truth. Self-abandonment had become my norm. And I was existing as little more than a shadow of the person God had created me to be."
Divine Encounter and Awakening to Grace
On December 31, 2022, Dr. Zacharia recounts the moment she saw Archangel Michael for the first time. This was her first conscious recognition of God’s grace at work in her life.
"It was in the midst of that collapse, on December 31, 2022, that I saw Archangel Michael for the first time—and that was the first moment of God’s grace that I consciously recognized. Not because God’s grace hadn’t already been present in my life in other ways, but because Archangel Michael’s appearance marked the beginning of a much deeper awareness of it."
This moment marked the beginning of a deeper awareness of the spiritual realm and the presence of God—not as distant, but as intimate and real.
"In that moment, I stopped viewing God as a distant, untouchable entity and began experiencing Him as a living, breathing presence—intimate, real, and deeply personal."
"That experience was nothing short of profound, and even today it continues to leave me in awe."
From that point forward, she began experiencing a heightened awareness of divine guidance, angelic presence and the sustaining power of the Holy Spirit.
Identity, Purpose and Divine Selection
Dr. Zacharia emphasizes that survivors are already experiencing God’s grace meeting them in the aftermath of destruction—even before they fully recognize it.
Grace continues to rebuild lives on a firm foundation, restoring identity that was distorted through abuse.
She explains that covert narcissistic abuse attempts to convince survivors they are unworthy, insignificant or without purpose. However, God’s grace reveals the opposite truth: they are chosen, called and created with divine intention.
Scripture affirms this identity. In 1 Peter 2:9, it states:
“But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light."
In Ephesians 2:10, it reminds believers:
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."
She emphasizes that grace and belief work together. Without belief in God and His Son Jesus Christ, grace cannot be fully received or accessed. Together, they open the door for identity restoration and divine alignment.
"And here’s the key: in order for God’s grace to reconnect us with our truth—the root of our divine purpose—we must believe. God’s grace is a gift to us; it’s not something we earn, but something given freely by Him out of love."
"Yet if we don’t believe in God, or in the divinity of His Son, Jesus, who died on the cross for us, how can we truly receive that grace? Belief and grace are not mutually exclusive—they work together, opening the door for God to restore our identity and guide us into the purpose He has designed for our lives."
Spiritual Warfare and the Nature of Purpose
Dr. Zacharia directly addresses doubt, stating that questioning one’s purpose is often a tactic of spiritual opposition.
She explains that the covert narcissist’s presence is the survivor's life is tied to the magnitude of one’s divine calling. The intensity of opposition reflects the significance of their life purpose.
"But here’s the undeniable truth God has placed on my heart: the covert narcissist was sent your way precisely because of how large and significant your life purpose is. Satan had to choose someone unsuspecting, seemingly humble, yet deeply strategic, to try to destroy you from the inside out."
Covert narcissists, she notes, are particularly destructive because of their subtle infiltration across personal, professional and familial domains—creating prolonged cognitive dissonance and emotional depletion.
"As I’ve said before, and I’ll say again: covert narcissistic abuse runs deeper than a personality disorder—it is spiritual warfare."
Ephesians 6:12 ( NLT) confirms this reality:
"For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world and against evil spirits in the heavenly places."
In this context, she emphasizes that healing is not merely psychological but spiritual in nature, requiring divine intervention through God’s grace.
"Were it not for the destruction of my old life, I would never have come into alignment with my truth in God or the divine purpose He placed within me."
"In fact, this very podcast you’re listening to now exists because of His restoration and grace at work in my life. God didn’t show me how to heal from covert narcissistic abuse just so I could survive—He showed me how to thrive, reclaim my identity and fully align with His truth so that He could work through me for all of you."
Rumination, Healing and Breaking Free From Mental Bondage
Dr. Zacharia explains that one of the most persistent effects of covert narcissistic abuse is rumination—the mental looping that keeps survivors tied to the abuse even after physical separation.
She notes that this cycle is intentionally destabilizing, keeping individuals disconnected from the present moment and from God’s truth in them.
God’s grace, she explains, is what breaks this cycle by anchoring survivors in the present and restoring clarity.
"Moving through something like this is not an overnight process. Healing takes time. But God’s grace is truly the key that helps us break free from the chains of that cycle."
"I didn’t fully understand the weight of this until I began hearing from other survivors who did not include God as a central part of their healing journey—many of whom are still struggling with rumination years after leaving the covert narcissist, after doing therapy and other forms of healing. While important, if you do not include God in the process, you do not complete the level of healing that is required on the soul level."
She also emphasizes that healing without God often remains incomplete at the soul level, particularly when dealing with spiritual warfare dynamics.
"And this is so important because of what I mentioned earlier: covert narcissistic abuse is spiritual warfare. And the only true antidote to spiritual warfare is God. His grace restores our minds, anchors us in the present, and gives us the strength to keep moving forward."
Lot’s Wife: The Danger of Looking Back
Using the biblical account of Lot’s wife, she illustrates the danger of emotional attachment to the past. In Genesis 19:26, Lot’s wife looks back while fleeing the destruction of Sodom and becomes a pillar of salt. God had already provided a path of escape, but her backward gaze symbolized a lingering attachment to what God was rescuing her from.
Lot’s wife represents those who escape destruction physically but remain emotionally tethered to it.
For survivors of covert narcissistic abuse, looking back through rumination or emotional attachment maintains connection to the covert narcissist even after separation.
She clarifies that this is not about pretending the past didn't happen but about refusing to allow it to define the present.
Forgiveness, she emphasizes, is not for the abuser but for the survivor. It releases the chains of the past and creates space for divine restoration.
"And that’s exactly why forgiveness is so important. Forgiveness is not for the covert narcissist—it is for you. If you haven’t listened to my episode on forgiveness (episode 11), I strongly encourage you to do so."
"It may completely change the way you understand forgiveness, because it has been widely misrepresented in ways that benefit the abuser—making it seem like it excuses their behavior or lets them off the hook for what they did. That couldn’t be further from the truth."
Dr. Zacharia highlights Isaiah 43:18–19 (NLT) in the episode which reminds the listener of this truth:
“But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."
Transformation Through Grace and Purpose
Dr. Zacharia explains that God’s grace transforms wounds into purpose.
Healing is not the end of the story—it is the beginning of divine assignment.
She emphasizes that survivors are called to become restorers of faith, truth and love. Through their experiences, they become equipped to guide others out of deception and into spiritual clarity.
Dr. Zacharia references survivors working together as the larger body of Christ. She discusses that every individual in the body is essential to the whole.
"The mass spiritual awakening unfolding globally is no coincidence—God is restoring His collective Light through us. Each of us is a key and vital part of the larger body of Christ."
Just as organs in the body like the adrenal glands are critical despite their size, each person’s purpose plays a vital role in God’s design.
"At first glance, these glands may seem small or insignificant compared to other organs, but their impact is profound. Even a tiny imbalance can ripple through the entire body, affecting every system—and without them, life simply cannot continue."
"In the same way, every piece of God’s plan matters—no matter how small or seemingly insignificant your purpose may appear to you - it is far from insignificant in the greater plan of God for the betterment of our society. You are a key and vital part of the larger body of Christ."
From Pain to Service
Dr. Zacharia discusses the redemptive nature of suffering when it comes to divine purpose.
She highlights Genesis 50:20 (NLT) to reinforce this point:
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people."
She also reviews 2 Corinthians 1: 3–4 in this episode as well:
"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."
She explains that survivors may be called to share testimony, bring healing or serve in ways uniquely designed by God.
Grace, she emphasizes, is what transforms pain into purpose and survival into service.
Boundaries, Truth and Spiritual Clarity
Dr. Zacharia stresses that setting boundaries are an essential expression of God's grace as well.
"And setting boundaries? That’s another critical element of His grace working in our lives. This isn’t just something to consider after leaving a covert narcissist—it’s essential as we step into our life purpose, as bold leaders and ambassadors of Christ."
As survivors step into purpose, they will face opposition, particularly because their calling often challenges societal norms and deception.
She highlights that the rejection of God, distortion of truth and misuse of His name have contributed to widespread confusion and disconnection from His truth.
"It has become common to reject God’s existence, deny Jesus’ divinity and dismiss the truth of His sacrifice on the cross for our sins. God’s name has been weaponized for self-serving agendas, driving people away from Him and turning His truth into a tool for manipulation—not only by religious narcissists but also by anyone seeking to exploit others for their own gain. Because of this, many have come to associate Jesus and God with oppression, division and hatred—so far removed from the reality of who He truly is."
Dr. Zacharia references Scripture from 2 Timothy 3:5 to reinforce this point:
“They will act religious, but they will reject the power that could make them godly. Stay away from people like that!"
She emphasizes discernment, boundaries and walking away from those committed to misunderstanding.
"In the face of such opposition, it’s essential to maintain unshakable boundaries and recognize that you cannot force your message or truth on those who aren’t ready to receive it."
"This mirrors what many of us have experienced firsthand with smear campaigns in our own lives. The rule of thumb is simple: you don’t need to defend yourself or prove your point. Release it. Let the dust fall where it may. Those committed to misunderstanding will remain so—no matter what you do."
Symbolism: The Ox and the Eagle
Dr. Zacharia introduces the symbolism of the ox and the eagle as representations of healing and elevation through grace.
Ox
The ox represents the season of deep healing, boundary formation and inner reconstruction after covert narcissistic abuse. It reflects slow, intentional work in reclaiming identity and truth under God’s guidance.
She grounds this symbolism by quoting Proverbs 14:4 (NLT) in the episode:
“Without oxen a stable stays clean, but you need a strong ox for a large harvest.”
In this teaching, Dr. Zacharia expands the meaning beyond productivity into spiritual formation. She explains that the ox season is not about comfort or appearance but about preparation. It is the unseen, often uncomfortable work of allowing God to rebuild what was dismantled.
She connects this directly to the healing process after covert narcissistic abuse, where survivors are led into the inner terrain of trauma, distortion and identity fragmentation. This includes identifying the entry points that allowed manipulation to occur, recognizing patterns of self-abandonment and learning to differentiate between kindness and the self-erasure that was exploited by the covert narcissist.
“This means going into the wounds of your past trauma so you can identify and heal the very entry points that once made you susceptible to the covert narcissist.”
Eagle
The eagle, by contrast, represents another aspect of grace—rising into divine purpose, strength and spiritual clarity.
Dr. Zacharia includes Isaiah 40:31(NLT) in this episode to illustrate this concept :
"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."
She explains that the eagle symbolizes what God does after the plowing season of the ox is complete. Once the ground of identity has been rebuilt, grace shifts from excavation to elevation. Survivors are no longer only processing what happened to them but beginning to see things from a higher spiritual vantage point.
Dr. Zacharia also expands on the symbolism of the eagle’s molting process, where old feathers must be shed before new strength can emerge.
"Just as an eagle must shed old feathers during molting to make room for new strength, healing from covert narcissistic abuse requires a season of releasing what no longer serves us. Through God’s grace, we are empowered to let go of the false identities the covert narcissist tried to impose on us, the shame they projected onto our lives and the self-limiting beliefs they planted in our hearts. In doing so, we create space to walk fully in the body of Christ and step boldly into the divine purpose God has ordained for us."
This release is not loss but preparation for elevation.
Dr. Zacharia emphasizes that both the ox and the eagle are expressions of grace in the survivor's journey of transformation.
She closes out the episode by explaining that healing from covert narcissistic abuse involves both excavation and elevation. It is the grounding work of restoration that allows for the upward movement into purpose.
Dr. Zacharia reinforces that nothing in this process is wasted. Even the slowest seasons are part of divine design, preparing the survivor not only to heal but to carry what God is building within them into their calling with stability, clarity and authority.
"God’s grace didn’t just rescue you from the destruction of covert narcissistic abuse—it strengthened you to heal, rise and walk unapologetically in the purpose God placed inside you."
"But by His grace, you are not defined by the covert narcissist’s past hooks in you. You are defined by the present reality of your truth in God, walking as an ambassador of Christ. You are restored, empowered and boldly stepping into the fullness of the calling God has placed within you—your light shining bright, your purpose unstoppable."